Kayaking without the dolphins

The weather was perfect last evening. Broad Creek was at near low tide, and the wind was only a whisper.  It should have been the ideal time for kayaking with the dolphins, but other than one faint unseen spurt from a blow hole just as we were coming back into dock after a two-hour paddle to experience what became the illusive sea creature, there were no dolphins to be seen.  “Eighty per cent of the time, we see dolphins,” boasted our guide.

Oh well.  It was still a great paddle under ideal circumstances, and I’m most proud of the fact that my kayaking skills remain intact...not that I’m a veteran, by any stretch of the imagination...but I do enjoy getting out on occasion.  The ease of the paddle rotating through the water when you get your rhythm just right.  The silence of it all, except for the swish-swish of paddle to water.  I kept up, mostly in the front of our tour group, and was determined that this chemo woman, this cancer patient, was not going to tire out and hold the group back...and I didn’t, and it was glorious.

Ester Williams has nothing on me

Perhaps it’s been since the Ester Williams era of the 1950’s that you thought of women wearing a  bathing cap, but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing this week at Hilton Head Island.  Not only do I want to disguise my bald pate, I want to protect its tender skin from the harsh rays of the sun.  Hence, my retro bathing cap.

My eyes are squinted a bit more than usual, as the wind was whipping up a bit of a sand storm, but let it never be said that I didn’t want to make a statement with my headwear.  Yes, I’ve gotten more than the occasional sideways glance from the masses along the beach, but I truly don’t care.  I’ve got my beach read, my adult beverage, my comfy beach chair, and my family around me.  What more could a girl ask for?  It’s a lovely way to escape the regimen of chemotherapy and cancer worries for a week.  So what if i don’t have long curly locks to tie up into a stylish bun?  That time will come again.  In the meantime, I’ll take my Ester Williams look in exchange for healthier times in the future. 

A welcome respite

Well, my new normal seems to be waking up about 4:00 a.m., as I did this morning.  I don’t mind, anymore, because I went to bed at 10:00 last night and had a long three-hour nap yesterday afternoon.  The house is very quiet, and I’ve come to like this contemplative time to myself.

I got my Day 10 blood work results yesterday, and they’re great!  My neutrophils are hanging in there at 2300, a little below what’s normal for the average person but well above what’s considered acceptable to continue treatment without any bone marrow support.  Additionally, the cancer marker, CA-125, continues to drop, indicating my cancer is receding.  I’ve got four chemotherapy treatments under my belt with two more to go.  I really couldn’t ask for better.

My energy levels are okay, probably great for this stage in the chemo game, but I certainly look forward to the day that I feel fully myself again.  I did have a little scare about a week ago when my temperature spiked up to 101.6, but it resolved within six hours with some ibuprofen and Tylenol, and no other symptoms.  My oncologist wasn’t too concerned, and with the positive Day 10 blood work, we consider it of no consequence.

Paul, the boys, and I leave for Hilton Head Island today for a week long family vacation, perhaps our last together for a while with the boys starting college in a few short weeks.  I want to cherish this time we’ll have together, and I look forward to many hours reading my book in a comfy chair under the beach tent.  Since the boys had solo experiences with no parents down at Hilton Head earlier this summer, I hope Paul and I don’t cramp their style too much.  I have to keep reminding myself that they’re young men now with their own agendas.

I’m lucky that this trip I planned back in February before I knew of my cancer recurrence so nicely fits into my chemo schedule.  It’s during the third week of the cycle, just before my next treatment on the 30th, and typically the week when I’m feeling at my best.  I don’t know that I’ll feel up to climbing the Sea Pines Lighthouse, but we do plan on going on an evening nature-guided kayak tour in the interior marshes of the island, near dolphin feeding grounds.  We’re all hopeful to kayak alongside the dolphins.  I’ve done this once before, and it was magical.  The touring company has named several of the dolphins, so I think this is a good indicator that they often appear.

However, I have to admit that the chemo regimen is getting old about now.  I’m tired of feeling tired, and I’m tired of parsing out my days based on someone else’s agenda.  I’m ready to plan my life at my own whim, but I remind myself that I’ve only got about another month to go before I’ve got all six treatments under my belt.  And then, hopefully, another long remission when I’m the captain of my own ship, heading to whatever new lands that ship takes me.  I’ve already got tentative plans of some travels I hope to undertake when I’m done.  It’s nice to have those goals and be an armchair travel agent, taking myself to both familiar and unfamiliar places.

But, then there’s my new life of an empty nester coming up and all the uncertainties that brings.  I know I’ve got to find something meaningful to occupy my time, and I enjoy finding myself sifting through the possibilities.  Cancer has a way of changing your perspective of what’s important, and though I only have inklings of where I’ll end up, I know I want to participate in something that matters, to give back to the universe some of the positive energy it has given me to get through this journey.

However, right now, I just need to focus on packing my suitcase and hitting the road to the coast, a welcome respite with my own agenda at the top of the list.  I think I’ve earned this one.

Four down, two to go

Just a quick post to let everybody know my fourth session of chemo went well yesterday.  One of my sons accompanied Paul and me, and he sat with me the majority of the time while Paul “worked remotely” from the waiting room.  We had good conversation together, and I’m glad we were able to share some quality time.  He’s not squeamish about needles and such, so I think he actually enjoyed watching my chemo nurse access my port to get the ball rolling.

Paul went back to work full time on Monday and seems to be managing well with the schedule.  He’s been tired in the evenings but not so much so that he isn’t able to recover for the next day.  I think he’s enjoying getting out of the house on a regular basis after being largely cooped up for several weeks recovering from surgery.

This morning, I’ve been feeling pretty good.  Not very tired at all, though I know an afternoon nap is probably in order, if the residual steroids will allow it.

We’re thoroughly enjoying having meals brought to us from friends in the community during chemo weeks.  I’m so thankful for this help.  It makes our lives so much easier, and — if I’m awake when the food arrives — it’s so nice to have a brief visit from the meal provider.  Thank you all again for your assistance.  It really means the world to us to have such caring friends.

And thank you to the rest of my readers.  I now have over 60,000 page views of my blog!  Your support and comments make this girl feel loved.

On the right path

Two days ago, I had my mid-treatment PET scan to assess the progress of the three chemotherapy sessions I’ve had thus far, and I got the results yesterday.  I still have a ways to go, but the cancer is receding.  Not only were the nodules in my lungs less reactive to the radioactive glucose that they love to lap up during a PET scan, they had decreased in size.  I’m not out of the woods yet, but we’re definitely on the right path to eradicating them...the best news a cancer patient can receive when midway through treatment.  My chemo cocktail of carboplatin and placlitaxel is working, and I am on the road to being cancer free again!

This drug combination worked well for me the last time I had chemo seven years ago, so I’ve been expecting the same results this time.  But, to receive confirmation is a joyous occasion...so joyous, I threw aside my afternoon fatigue and had happy hour with the girls yesterday.  I shared with them my good news, and they reveled in it with me.  Then, we got down to the business of conversation about our daily lives over gin and tonics.  The best way to celebrate.  Just being ourselves without the heavy cloud of cancer hanging over my every thought.  It was so liberating.

I am beyond grateful for my doctors with their knowledge of how best to treat me, my family and friends for their constant support and encouragement, and for the positivity in the universe that I’m able to tap into to keep me going.  This third cycle has been a more difficult one for me, as fatigue has been more challenging, but this news is worth every nap I’ve had to take.  It sort of puts it all in perspective for me.  I need my rest so my body can do its best to let the chemo repair it.  I’ll sleep all day for these kind of results and not complain about it...well, maybe once or twice.

On other fronts, Paul was able to have his staples removed yesterday from his emergency appendectomy about two and a half weeks ago.  He’s not 100% either just yet, but he’s definitely improving every day.  He’s had to learn the power of a healing afternoon nap too.

So, life is pretty good in the Moore household, and for that I am very thankful.