You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. -- Frederich Nietzsche
Know that, in life, there rarely is a clear cut right answer. Do your due diligence, make your choice, and confidently move forward. -- Letter to Allen and Boyce, Beth Mullis Moore
A good friend back in France just reminded me that I previously used this Nietzsche quote as a postscript to my emails. After spending the better part of the last week researching the major cancer centers in the United States, I really needed a reminder that there are many paths, no one necessarily superior to the other.
The second quote is just a reminder to practice what I preach.
I'm working on that due diligence part right now. I can't tell you how many curriculum vitae I've read from how many faculty members at so many medical centers. MD Anderson, Memorial Sloan Kettering, Dana Farber, the Mayo Clinic, the Cleveland Clinic...the list goes on and on. I'm ready to get to the part to "confidently move forward." BUT THERE IS NO CLEAR CUT RIGHT ANSWER!
Damn my big mouth and damn Frederick Nietzsche and damn a life that can't be black and white.
Before I sign off with my frustrations dangling out there, I feel like I need to offer up some thoughts about my current gynecological oncologist. He's an excellent physician and well trained surgeon. I've agreed with every recommendation for treatment he's made this far, and what he's discussed with me about possible next steps makes sense. Yes, perhaps his musing out loud that I am an enigma wasn't the best choice of doctor-patient communication, but, then again, I've never really felt like I fit the mold in many aspects of my life. In some form or fashion, I've been an enigma for a very long time.
Like one of my Facebook friends recently commented, getting a second opinion about now could be a comfort, if only to confirm that I am, indeed, an enigma.
Not to debate Nietzsche- I can't even spell it without help- but I do think there is a right way. It's whatever choice you make, made right in a circular fashion because it was your choice. Like you said, it won't be black and white; it'll be unclear and it'll be messy, but it'll be yours and it will be right. So move forward boldly and hold up that well-adorned head of yours with confidence.
ReplyDeleteBeth if there is one thing I've learned on the Medical Mystery Tour it's that you really have to trust yourself AND you have to trust your spouse... believe it or not, husband's occasionally have a good perspective on things you are neck deep in and are always there with a hand-up out of the mire. If nothing else I've noted mine has little tolerance for ambiguity and will make a decision one way or another much faster than me. ;-)
ReplyDeleteJulie