Phenomenal woman

Some of you know this is one of my favorite poems. I just felt like sharing it. Today, it serves as a good reminder of the worth of all women, whether they currently have hair or not.

Phenomenal Woman
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

The body worker

I had the most amazing massage this week. A friend and former teacher of the boys gifted me her husband's services as a masseuse, and since I was still having trouble with my back, I decided to take her up on the offer.

This was no regular spa massage. Jeremy is specially trained in anatomy and physiology and really understands the science behind therapeutic massage, and among other specialities, he offers massage for people living with cancer.  I love that phrase 'people living with cancer' even better than 'cancer survivor', because truly, that's what I'm learning to do, live with cancer, not just survive it.

Jeremy understands the rigors people living with cancer go through. Before beginning the massage, he thoroughly questioned me about my treatments so he knew what areas to a avoid -- like around my port site -- and what areas to give special attention. The hour I spent on his table was one of the best hours I've had since being diagnosed last April.

Jeremy has even planned to come to my next chemo session to do some hand, leg, and foot massage while I'm receiving my treatment. Amazing!  While my friend Debbie was here, she told me that  massage is offered de rigueur to all cancer patients in Great Britain as an adjunct therapy to their chemotherapy. We hear a lot here in the US about what's wrong with the National Health Service in Britain, but this is one thing they've definitely gotten right.

If you'd like to have the massage of your life, you can contact Jeremy at his website.

In addition to having my back discomfort reduced, I'm doing well. So far, no calls from the oncologist about my blood work, but they generally only call if there's a problem. I'll confirm for sure on Monday, when I have an appointment.

Just give me a ski mask already

Hard to believe I'm already halfway through my second chemo cycle, which also means I had my blood drawn again today to check up on my immune system. This time, I wore a surgical mask and a head covering.  All that could be seen were my eyes. I was appropriately decked out to rob a bank on the way home.

Alas, the Master was absent again, but his replacement did a fine job. I should get the results tomorrow. I'm feeling really well, so I'm hoping that's a good sign my immune system is holding up well too.

Today, that's all I got.

Dear Allen and Boyce,

Today, you're 12 years-old. (Actually, by the time I finished writing this entry, it was past midnight, so you're technically 12 years-old and one day.) The next six years of your life will whirl by in an instance, and before you know it, you'll be busy filling out college applications and looking forward to getting out from underneath our roof. We've talked about all these things before, but they bear repeating and committing to written form.

The single most important thing in life is to know unconditional love. Your dad and I will always love you, without exception.  When you're out in the world choosing with whom to share your life, ask yourself, do I love this person no matter what, and do they love me with the same conviction?  If the answer is yes, you'll always be surrounded by people of great loyalty and character, and there will be no limit to what you can accomplish.

Feel compassion for those who don't know unconditional love. They present in the world as bullies or that kid who always acts up in class or that coworker who always complains or that snooty neighbor, but really they are people who just don't feel very good about themselves and are doing all they know to do to make the bad feelings go away. When you realize that their behavior just means they're hurting, it's much easier to realize they have no power over you.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the worthiness of the person on the receiving end. It's about you making a decision to let go of negativity. Life is too short to hold grudges, and harboring ill feelings toward another human being is a waste of energy. Forgive and move on. 

Respect and embrace differences. Remember the time we spent living in France being the oddballs and remember how much it meant to us when people went out of their way to be kind. Always be good ambassadors of your family, your employer, your country, your faith, and your philosophy. 

Know that, in life, there rarely is a clear cut right answer. Do your due diligence, make your choice, and confidently move forward. 

When you make a mistake -- and I want you to make plenty -- say you're sorry, do everything you can to rectify the situation, and learn not to make that mistake again.

At some point, you're going to have to choose, is it better to be right or to have friends?

Do things that make you happy. Dance at weddings. Sing at concerts. Take that art class when you really should be taking that physics class. Play hooky from work occasionally to spend more time with your family. 

Wearing unwrinkled clothes that match matters...always...regardless of the situation. Along the same lines, good manners count. People always notice these things, whether they realize it or not. 

Know how to cook at least three good meals from scratch. Microwaved hotdogs do not count. There will always be opportunities to impress someone with your culinary talents. 

Remember the order of life we've been telling you since you were wee ones:  graduate high school, go to college, go to graduate school, then get married, and then have babies.  Any other order is unacceptable.

And, finally, know that you've already made your dad and me the proudest parents in the world. We can't wait to see what fine young men you'll grow into and what paths your lives will take you down.  Stay close and look out for your brother.

Love always (no matter what),

Mom

Does this skull cap make me and my friend look old?

So, Debbie and I went to the local Walgreen's today to pick up a few sundries, and at the check out line, the octogenarian behind the register happily informed us that if we were willing to show ID, we could receive the Monday senior citizen discount.

"Excuse me?" I said, bewildered.

"You only have to be 55," he explains, "they tell me to ask that question...maybe I shouldn't..."  He's stammering now.

"I should think not," reprimands Debbie, in her sternest British accent.

Maybe I should have gone for the blond wig after all.

Revelations

Going through chemo means not having to shave my legs. 

Muscle relaxants are a reasonable solution only if the relief gained is worth the loss of mental lucidity. 

Sometimes the smallest gestures mean the most. (Thanks, George, for the teal bracelet.)

The art of a thoughtfully handwritten note will never be totally supplanted by an email (though emails are pretty nice too). 

Always have a bottle of sparkling wine chilled in the fridge and a box of Popsicles in the freezer. 

Daniel Craig is still the best James Bond. 

The land of nod

From breakfast on through all the day
At home among my friends I stay,
But every night I go abroad
Afar into the land of Nod.

All by myself I have to go,
With none to tell me what to do --
All alone beside the streams
And up the mountain-sides of dreams.

The strangest things are there for me,
Both things to eat and things to see,
And many frightening sights abroad
Till morning in the land of Nod.

Try as I like to find the way,
I never can get back by day,
Nor can remember plain and clear
The curious music that I hear. 

                  - Robert Louis Stevenson

P.S.

Throughout my haze of a day, this poem kept coming to mind. It was included in the book of Mother Goose nursery rhymes I had as a child. My grandmother, a.k.a. Mammy, largely taught me how to read by reading from the book while tracing under the words with her finger.