Grown and flown

It’s another early morning for me.  Up at 5:00 am, wondering about the world.  I’m doing well, however, just can’t seem to sleep in much these days.

Today is Day 10 of this chemo cycle, the day I have my bloodwork done to check my neutrophils levels.  I’m feeling strong, though, so I’m guessing my count will be good.  I would think fatigue would be a strong indicator that my levels were low.  I should know the results by tomorrow, though if they’re good, I usually don’t get a call, but my chemo nurse knows I like information. So, perhaps she’ll call me any way, regardless of the results.

I talked to an old friend last night who’s also been through chemo and had trouble with her white blood cell counts during treatment and had to go on Neupogen.  She’s praying that I don’t have to ever take it.  She said it felt like her bones were being stretched.  I understand you just have to tough it out.  There’s not much that can be done to offset the side effects.

But, I’m not going to wish for complications.  There’s too much else to think about.  I sent one of my 18 year-old sons off on a trip to Hilton Head with three of his friends in a loaded down 2007 Toyota Avalon.  His first independent trip.  He was very excited, and I was excited for him...with some minor trepidations as he pulled out of the driveway.  It’s a practice run of seeing him off to college in a little over two months.

His twin brother will follow next week with a car load of friends too.  A rehearsal for his college departure, as well.

My boys have grown up, and I find myself reflecting (and tearing up) a lot these days about their journey leading up to this point in their lives.  My reaction to this new manhood is starting the process of accumulating all the stuff they’ll need to take to college:  desk lamps, bed linens, a bathrobe to go padding down the halls to the communal dormitory showers.  I’ve even put together the mother of all first aid kits, condoms included (I’m a cool mom).  My husband was laughing at me with all the paraphernalia I included.  He thinks they’ll stuff the kits under their beds and never use them.  Ah, but I’m a Boy Scout mom, and I want them to be prepared, whether they use those instant cold packs I included or not.  I think I left home with a tube of Neosporin and some Band Aids as my first aid kit.  But, this is my project right now.  Preparing them to leave the nest.  Grown and flown.

I’m so very proud of the young men they’ve become.  They’re self-assured, kind, inquisitive people, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for them over the next few years.  One is pursuing an aerospace engineering course of study, the other wants to be an actor on the silver screen.  Twins, yet so different in their aspirations.  One is attending a medium-ish sized engineering school, the other a small liberal arts school with a strong theatre program.  The engineer will be close to home, his brother a five-hour drive away.  And, of course, their orientations and move-in dates fall on the same days.  My husband and I will have to wistfully divide and conquer for both events, each of us wanting to be there for both boys.  Ah, the trials and tribulations of raising twins.

Once again, I’m grateful to feel well enough to be fully engaged in this process.  As my only children, I only get to do this once, see them off to their exciting new lives.  Lives where they won’t need me as much.  I know once they’re off, I must find new ways to occupy myself, as my time has largely been devoted to volunteering in their various activities.  The challenges of letting go and hoping we’ve done the best parenting job possible to bring them to this point.  Fly little birds.  Fly.