Restless and tired

It was a 3:00 am morning for me today, but I was exhausted yesterday afternoon and went to bed very early.  Today is Day 10 of my treatment cycle, so that means I’m off to the lab to get my blood drawn to test out those neutrophils.  This cycle had been more fatiguing for me, but I know that’s a predictable trend.  The further along you go, the more tired you become.  Plus, I had the added challenges of taking care of Paul in his post op recovery period, and I took a trip to North Carolina to take my son Boyce to a freshman retreat in the throws of preparing him for his college experience starting in August.

Paul is doing much better, though neither of us realized how long it would take him to recover from surgery.  He will get his staples out on Tuesday of next week, and I know that will be a real turning point for him.  It’s been interesting having two convalescing parents in the house.  Unfortunately, Paul wasn’t able to go to college orientation with our other son, Allen — of course, scheduled at the same time as the retreat for Boyce.  Luckily, Allen was able to go with a friend and seemed to negotiate the process just fine on his own.

So, now both sons have roommates and dorm rooms assigned and class schedules in place.  This stuff is getting real!  The guest bedroom has become a landing zone for all the flotsam and jetsam that will accompany them to their respective schools.  Amazon and I have become best friends, even though my Amazon account was hacked last week by someone who thought it would be fun to hijack my credit card information and send me some nipple covers from my own account...the kind of things a much younger woman would wear with a skimpy dress that doesn’t allow her to wear a bra.  I guess the cyber thief got a real giggle out of that.

In general, I’m finding myself getting very restless with this chemo process.  Restless and tired.  It’s hard not to think of life stalling while you go through this three month ordeal, even if I have managed to distract myself with my day-to-day life.  Some days I’m more successful at it than others.  I find myself fantasizing about life after getting a hiatus from being a constant patient.  I say hiatus because I know now that I’ll be a cancer patient for the rest of my life.  My oncologist has warned me that cancer will likely be an ever present part of my existence, constantly on watch and potentially having to go through various treatments heretofore.  Yes, that information is daunting, but I try not to let it get me down.  Like I’ve said before, there’s lots of living left to do, and I plan to be fully engaged in it.  But, today, I think I’ll just take it easy.