(Actually, it's the sixth grade assistant principal who is the object of my ire, but I just couldn't pass up an opportunity to reference Pink Floyd.)
Over the course of one week, my son Boyce twice found himself sitting across his assistant principal's desk, having a disciplinary discussion about his behavior in school. My child, who has never been in trouble at school since he toddled into preschool at 19 months-old, definitely got caught this time on the wrong side of Gwinnett County's "No Tolerance" policy.
His first offense? Shoving a kid with his trumpet case so he could make his way to his seat in band. When asked why he did it, he said he was just having a bad day. For this he received an hour and a half of after school detention.
Fast forward a few days. Boyce arrives at the door of his science classroom only to find that the class's token disruptive kid has locked the door and is laughing maniacally at Boyce through the door's window. A good Samaritan kid, who'd managed to gain entry before the door locking inspiration, unlocked the door so that Boyce and the remaining half of the class were no longer barred from entry.
When Boyce entered the room, laughing kid gets right in his face and has a pretty good chuckle at Boyce's expense. Boyce's response? A swing of his padded binder at the kid...resulting in four hours of Saturday detention, and a second violation of part D of Major Rule #5 of the county's code of conduct. Other parts of Major Rule #5 outline offenses such as assault and battery of another student leading up to and including murder. I'm not exaggerating. Once again, Boyce reports to the assistant principal that he was having another bad day.
Interesting fact about both instances? Neither of them was witnessed by a teacher or other adult who could adequately put the actions into context. In both cases, the principal made her determinations based on the recollections of 11 and 12 year-old kids.
OK. I'm going to take a deep breath now before I go any further.
I do not deny that Boyce's behavior was unacceptable. I wouldn't even begin to excuse his behavior because of the craziness our family has been through for almost a year now as we've navigated through my cancer treatment. I wouldn't even suggest his infractions should have been overlooked because, at the time of his bad days, we were waiting for my PET scan results to find out if the 18 weeks of chemotherapy I just completed had extended my life.
But Mother Mary and the little baby Jesus, cut the kid some slack.
I accept some of the blame for the situation. Back in October, when we found out I had metastatic disease and needed to begin chemo right away, I contacted both Allen and Boyce's teachers to tell them what was going on with me. One particularly wonderful teacher of Boyce's immediately involved the guidance counselor so she was up-to-speed. It just never occurred to me to contact the administration. I assumed, obviously incorrectly, that any out of character behavior of my sons would come to the principal by way of a teacher.
The assistant principal knows now, but I'm not convinced it would have made any difference if she'd known before. "No Tolerance"...even if you're not sure if your mom's going to be alive in a year. I'm not convinced the system allows for any leeway.
This I do know. I'm very proud of my boys. They're both in gifted-level classes in all their major academic areas and nearly making all A's. Boyce hasn't missed a single day of school this year, and Allen's missed only one, when he got his braces. They've learned how to wash their own clothes and how to make a simple meal. They've gotten up and on the school bus by themselves when Paul and I have had to leave very early for chemotherapy. They've had to endure more stress and worry than any 12 year-old should.
Thanks for hearing me out. I'm going to meet with the assistant principal next week and submit a letter outlining our family's extenuating circumstances to be included in Boyce's file to provide some context. I needed to get all the snark and anger out before doing this.
Any educators out there who have any insight to share?
Dear Beth,
ReplyDeleteMade me feel sad to read this. It's so sad that Boyce was rather severely punished for reacting to provocation, specially given his family circumstances! The staff don't know him very well I guess. I know your boys are well brought up, well behaved kids, they ought to know that and read into what they are told accordingly.
Good luck dealing with this,
Luv Angela