Be still

Tomorrow afternoon at 2:00 p.m., I begin my radiation treatment, and it won’t come soon enough.  I am feeling very impatient.  I’m ready to get this thing done!

While I was at my appointment with the radiation oncologist last week, her staff was able to do my simulation CT to prepare me for treatment.  I was placed on a table with something like a blow-up mattress underneath me.  They filled up the mattress, and it inflated around me, holding me in a fixed position so the technician could get accurate pictures of exactly where my tumor is so that the radiation will be guided to the perfect spot for all ten treatments.  I could wiggle, if I wanted to...but only just a little.  However, I held absolutely still, probably holding my breath even though I didn’t need to.

After the imaging and before deflating the mattress and releasing me from my fixed spot, the technician marked four plus signs on my lower abdomen, aids to place me into the exact same position when I actually receive treatment.  In years past, they would ink permanent tattoos to mark those spots.  I’m glad a Sharpie and some surgical tape do the trick now.

Today my thoughts are racing: my health, my husband, my boys, my outcome.  But I have to just pause and tell myself, “be still”.  The time will come.  Ten days of treatment will pass very quickly, and then I’ll do whatever the next stage will be.  Just be still.