Being a part of something bigger than myself

I’ve been an at-home mom since before my twin boys were even conceived.  I know that sounds odd, but bear with me.  I had trouble becoming pregnant, and when the rigors of the traditional workforce combined with the hormonal roller coaster ride of infertility treatments and coincided with my husband getting a nice promotion and raise, I quit my job to focus on the task of becoming pregnant.  It took several years, but it finally happened, and Allen and Boyce were born...coming up on 18 years ago.

When they were 20 months-old, two sentinel things happened:  they started preschool and I found the MOMS Club, a support group for at-home mothers.  The preschool was stellar, introducing them to the importance of community and making friends, while learning along the way.  MOMS Club was a godsend for me.  I met other young mothers who’d made the decision to stay at home to raise their children, and my boys made even more friends...some with whom they’re still friends today.  More importantly, I found a fellowship of women that forever changed my life.  Some of them, I’ve known for 16 years, and we still share our lives, even though we’ve spread across the country.

While living in France for three years for Paul’s work, I took French classes and joined an English-language group.  Being a stranger in a strange land, I clung to these two groups for a sense of belonging.

Upon returning to the States, I jumped back into volunteering at the boys’ school and Boy Scouts....and then, BAM, cancer came along, and I was forced to back away from my volunteerism to focus my energies (or lack there of) on recovery from a dismal prognosis.  But, I climbed out and slowly started getting involved again.

I guess you could say I’m a joiner.  I like being around other people, working on projects together, feeling a part of the community.  Earlier this year, ever aware that my boys would be flying the coop sooner than later, I decided it was time to get my feet wet again in the work-a-day world, and I turned back to something familiar, a place that had been so important to my children’s early education, their preschool.  I applied to begin working as a substitute teacher...to give back to an organization that gave so much to my boys.

But, during the first week of school in August, I received my notice that cancer was making its way back into my life.  I got to work for a grand total of four days before I had to take my name off the sub list so I would have time to make my way to radiation treatments and doctors’ appointments.  I’m struggling to see the message in all of this.  Perhaps there is no message.  Perhaps the message is just to be still and take what comes as it comes.  Perhaps there’s a new sense of community out there for me that has yet to present itself.  Perhaps I’ll make my way back to the preschool when all this is over.  I’d like to think so.  What I do know is that cancer changes your perspective.  More importantly, I know that being a part of something bigger than myself — bigger than cancer — is in my future.