Doubts

Doubt is an uncomfortable condition, 

But certainly is a ridiculous one.

— Voltaire

I guess this is my down morning of this cycle.  I’m feeling all out of sorts, which is ironic, because physically I’m feeling pretty good.  This is Day 3 of this cycle, the day that the meds they gave me during chemo to help me manage the side effects start to wear off, and the potential for nausea and fatigue sets in.  However, I’m feeling great...and I think that’s playing into my sense of doubt about the effectiveness of the chemo.  If my body is undergoing major changes, shouldn’t I feel something?  

Yes, my hair stubbles are falling out; there is that indicator.  But, I don’t feel bad physically, just having an angst-filled morning of worry that nothing else is happening.

After my third round of chemo, which is scheduled for June 18th, I’ll have another PET scan to check on the progress of the treatment.  At that point, my oncologist will let me know if we keep the same course or try something different.  So, I’m too early for any kind of confirmation or denial.  Right now, I just am, and, as I’ve said before, the waiting is the worst.

On the upside (there should always be one), I’ve appreciated all the love and support from all of you dear readers.  Whether it be bringing me a meal or sending a card or a text or responding to my blog entries, you each help to lift me up, and I’m eternally grateful.  

It’s just that this morning, that gratitude is tainted by doubt.  Thanks for listening.