Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.' -Mary Anne Radmacher
People have sometimes used the word courageous to describe how I've handled my cancer diagnosis. But, that just doesn't seem right. Choosing to deliver a baby without an epidural is courageous. Jumping in front of an armed intruder is courageous. Standing up to injustice is courageous.
Courage is the stuff of epic adventures, where the heroine chooses a particular course of action that thrusts her into the belly of the dragon. I don't recall ever making a choice to take on this beast. The battle was thrust upon me, like I suddenly woke up from the dream that was my life and found myself in the middle of the Battle of Hastings. All I'm trying to do is find a little high ground so I can catch my breath.
Today, I went grocery shopping by myself for the first time in a couple of months. It just couldn't wait any longer, and I had to do it. I was fine for the first half of the shopping trip, then the bottom fell out of my energy...right in the frozen food aisle of Publix. I had to truly dig deep to finish and make it to the car. Was that courage? Deciding that I wasn't going to break down and cry out of exhaustion next to the frozen pizzas?
So, courage to grocery shop? I don't know about that. Certainly, it's not the roaring courage of a lion. But perhaps, just perhaps, there is something courageous about quietly confronting my limitations, knowing that there always will be time to rest and tomorrow the sun will rise again.
One foot in front of the other is courage!
ReplyDelete(Choosing to delivery a baby without an epidural is stupid.)
Your grocery store venture reminded me of a saying attributed to John Wayne. It is something like "Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyways." That is where I see Courage in you. I have seen several people just curl up and be sick - which they are. But you are coming out swinging, and I deeply admire that.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally agree that not having an epidural is just plain stupid. :-)
Two babies... two epidurals.
ReplyDeleteI love the John Wayne saying Debbie has above. Oh so true. You are standing up and not only saddling up, but you are continuing to live your life as best as you can. You are pushing yourself through apples, cereal and frozen pizzes to boot. Not to mention, I personally think, it takes a ton of courage to share your adventures with all of us out here in the cyber world.
Love your stories, your strength and your courage!
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